Will Young - Friday's Child

I was going to try and do five reviews on the theme 'what I missed when I was on holiday for ages that time' but I couldn't remember anyone else other than Will Young and that only takes us to four. I could have done Gareth Gates, but he's the exact same thing as Will Young really. Also, I don't want readers talking about 'the shit week on MP3 Wise Monkeys', so after this I'm going to try and raise the standard.

By far the most annoying thing about being away from UK pop culture for a while was hearing people talking about a pair of complete spanners like they were important. It was beyond that though. People spoke about 'Will' and 'Gareth' like you would know who the fuck they were.

I left the country and Will Young didn't exist. I came back and not only did he exist, but he was famous enough to only have a first name. So was 'Gareth'. It drove me fucking spare. I'm not exaggerating when I say it took me a full year to work out what the hell was going on. I'm not even sure I had the full picture then.

I'd ask people who 'Will' was and they'd explain using phrases like 'Pop Idol' - phrases that meant nothing to me. If I asked for further clarification, people treated me like I was some weird hermit and THAT'S what irks me. I was fucking right! 'Will' and 'Gareth' were shite. There was no reason on earth that they should be famous. That's what I couldn't get my head around.

I'm getting really pissed off now, which isn't good, because I was just supposed to be killing five minutes before bed by writing this. Now I'm all full of adrenaline. I've got blood lust.

Do you know how important they were at that time? They were all anyone talked about. They were the touchstone for all of society. It was literally like someone had roamed the nation putting a layer of wank-coloured paint over everything. All life was imbued with a wankish hue.

Now I've got to class the bastard as 'soul' because I'm deliberately avoiding 'pop' as a category. I'd add 'wank' as a special category instead, only it would take me another minute and a half to add it to the sidebar and frankly Will Young doesn't deserve another 90 seconds of my attention.