The Red Hot Chili Peppers - Stadium Arcadium

Come on The Red Hot Chili Peppers, admit it: This album is only called Stadium Arcadium because the two words rhyme. Don't make me torture you The Red Hot Chili Peppers. Admit it.

You know how I know this? Because 'arcadium' isn't even a word. Dicks. Their next album's called Library Klibrary. If I were two and 'stadium arcadium' were my first words, I would pound myself with a brick through shame. If I were in a big rock band, I probably wouldn't title my album Stadium Arcadium either.

The Red Hot Chili Peppers were all about the funk originally, but it was a particular brand of juvenile funk that was all posturing and gurning. You'd hope that as they matured, they'd drop the childish aspects but retain the one thing that made them unique. But no. They drop the childishness AND the funk in favour of earnest, samey rock-blandness. Now they're like Huey Lewis And The News.

This album's got 'Dani California' on it, where Anthony Kiedis just shoehorns in most of the US states with no real context. It's like a bland American take on 'It's Grim Up North' by The Justified Ancients Of Mu Mu, performed by Barry Manilow.

There are 28 songs on this album. 28! If only Pol Pot had known that. He could have taken the torture of prisoners in Security Prison 21 to a whole new level.