Pink - I'm Not Dead

Right. I've got a hell of a lot of problems with this and by God you people are going to hear about them.

One, Pink is a stupid name. In fact, it isn't really a name. It made the slightest bit of sense when she had pink hair, but often she doesn't.

Two, all Pink's songs are profoundly irritating. Every last one. They're 'singalong' affairs. If there's one thing I hate about people singing along, it's hearing them do so.

Three, everything's always about Pink. She's the centre of the world. Everyone's going on about her all the time. That's Pink's opinion anyway. The truth is, she's only mentioned when people are singing along and other people are forced to say 'stop singing along to Pink'.

Four, track seven, 'U + Ur Hand'. 'Ur' doesn't mean 'your'. It can't. It could be 'er' or 'you-er' whatever that might be, but not 'your'. Idiot.

Five, track 13, 'Conversations With My 13-year-old Self'. This is impossible and thank Christ that's the case.

Six, track 14, 'Fingers'. That better be a noun and not a verb, Pink. It's sickening to think otherwise.

An excellent record: 12 stars. (This is a lie).