Thursday 29 March 2007

Black Eyed Peas - Monkey Business

I know what you're wondering: If this album were a song by Carter USM, which would it be? The answer, of course (and for once this actually makes sense), is 'The Music That Nobody Likes'.

You can read the titles of these songs and that's too much for most people.

Pump It - Maybe 'pump' means 'punch' in the US and maybe 'it' means Fergie's face.
Don't Phunk With My Heart - The only thing I'll be phunking with, is, well, nothing. You know why? Because 'phunk' isn't a phucking word.
My Humps - Nobody knows quite what she means when she sings this. Whichever bits you're talking about, they're not 'lovely'. They're syphilitic and cancerous.
Dum Diddly - What? Right, we've really got to come up with something here. We have to DO something.
Feel It - You're just desperate now, aren't you? Fortunately, I'm not.
They Don't Want Music - Marvellous. Now we're getting somewhere. Let's dwell on that thought and subsequently address it as best we can.
Bebot - Looks a bit like an anagram. Isn't.
Ba Bump - Is this a close relation to 'Dum Diddly' or 'My Humps'? Or are you, in fact, a load of wordless, infantile chumps who have failed to acquire language?
Audio Delite At Low Fidelity - Dee-Lite got away with it. You can't.
Do What You Want - That, I think you'll find, is legally binding. I have been given explicit permission to suffocate each and every one of Black Eyed Peas with a bin bag, chop them into pieces, boil them, stamp on them, burn the ensuing dust and then offer it back to them to smoke (somehow).

Alternatively I could just get someone to steal their microphones. That should do the trick.

See the cleverest joke on the whole of the internet here. One of 'Da Peas' is the subject.

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