Michael Jackson - Thriller

Does anyone else, reading about Michael Jackson's personal and financial problems, not think: 'Why doesn't he just have some more hits?'

It's easy. You're Michael Jackson. If anyone's got a reasonable idea of how to have a hit, it's Michael Jackson. Do it. Just make a funky bassline, prance about a bit. Bob's your uncle. Bob's your weird 'uncle' who creeps into your room at night and...

Sorry. It's easy to get distracted when writing about Jacko. Why is he called Jacko, by the way? I can see how it comes about, but surely he could do better. Jacko's what he'd get called if he were from Liverpool.

Here are some suggestions for better nicknames: The Jackinator 9000, The Jacksonator 9000, The Mikinator 9000 - the list's virtually endless.

Track 10's called 'Someone In The Dark' - it's weird uncle Bob again, isn't it?

"No uncle Bob, no... No means no... NO MEANS NO!"