P Puff Diddy Daddy adopts least humourous name yet

He wants to be known as Sean John now. Don't know what was wrong with all of my suggestions. They were much better than that.

Since when do you get to pick your own nicknames anyway? Nicknames aren't self-applied. They're granted to you by benevolent peers.

Do you think I chose to be called 'piss flaps'? No. That was most definitely not a name I chose for myself. I'd have gone for something catchy like 'Lord Megachief of Gold'.

The campaign to have Sean John known as 'Horror Turd' starts here.

Why P Diddy's not as cool as he thinks he is

Too big to be a shoe and too big to be a phone too, for that matter.

Plus, you'll get dog shit on your face.

Puff Daddy - Forever

Too long! Too long!

Track six is entitled 'Is This The End'. Alas not, there are 13 further tracks - a whole album's worth. This album truly does go on forever.

We previously came up with some brilliant alternative names for Puff Daddy/P Diddy/Sean Combs. We've come up with some more now.

The Boreinator 9000
The Dullinator 9000
The Overlonginator 9000
The Wankinator 9000

P Diddy - Press Play

Press stop! Press stop!

Maybe P Diddy's punning. Maybe Press Play refers to toying with the media. You know, 'the press'. Nah. It would never be that. P Diddy's far too busy making money to have time to pun. He's too busy to get a proper name, for God's sake.

He's also too busy to make a whole record all on his own. Of the 18 tracks on Press Play, no fewer than 13 'feature' someone else. Of the remainder, one is an intro and three are bracketed 'interlude' which presumably means they're just silence. The remaining track is called 'The Future' which seems optimistic for someone who clearly lacks the inclination to go it alone.

Perhaps he's just redressing the balance. How many songs are there out there that 'feature' P Diddy in one guise or another? My guess is that there's one million. More than 15 anyway, so he's still in credit.

I've just found out that he's actually just called 'Diddy' in the US. Apparently he's fighting someone for the right to be called 'Diddy' in Europe as well. Some guy called Diddy. There are more names. Pick a good one. Fight someone for that. What about The Diddinator 9000 - that's a good name. Or The Puffinator 9000 - there's another good name. The Combsinator 9000, The P-inator 9000. There's a wealth of great names to choose from.

If I looked like P Diddy, I probably wouldn't put me on the cover.