New Oasis single

It's called 'Lord Don't Slow Me Down,' you can't buy it in tangible CD form and Noel Gallagher says it's "quite rocking".

What the hell does that mean? Think of all the great rocking things of our times - chairs, horses. Imagine them rocking. Imagine how much they're rocking. Maybe they're rocking a lot. Maybe they're rocking just a little. You'd never say they were 'quite rocking' though, would you?

You can't even say that something's 'not quite rocking' because that's just stationary. If something's got the potential to rock and it's in motion in the manner intended, then it's rocking. If it's not moving, then obviously it's 'not rocking'.

Those are the choices. Which is it to be, Noel?

Oasis - Stop The Clocks

Stop the CD! Stop the CD!

For those that don't know 'repeat until funny' is a mainstay of my humour. Some might say it's the only facet, but they'd be neglecting 'pedantry' and 'pointing out what a dork I am'. Perhaps the former falls into the category of the latter. Perhaps the latter is subjected to the 'repeat until funny' mantra.

So, Oasis then. As you might imagine, most of this 'best of' features their early stuff, when they weren't garbage. Of eighteen tracks, five are off their first album, five off their second and two are B-sides that bridge the gap between those two albums.

I've done a bit of statistical analysis and I've concluded that a percentage like that means you may as well just buy the first two albums. Then you can just download the other songs off the internet and send Noel Gallagher three quid in the post in order to offset your guilt.

Alternatively, buy the more recent albums and then download all the good Oasis songs for free in order to offset Noel Gallagher's guilt that he feels for making money from such dross.