Kate Nash does a book

It better be a conventional book and not an audio book.

I might be able to tolerate Kate Nash in book format. At least she wouldn't be making those horrendous voice-noises.

I'm led to believe that it's some sort of 'speech' or 'singing' or something in between. I just presumed that it was a new US sonic weapon myself. A pretty bloody effective one at that. It saps my will to live, at any rate.

So would Kate Nash be tolerable on mute? No, wait, there's that whole terrible metaphor thing as well.

Want me to sort out the cracks in your foundations, Kate? I'll sort them with my mallet, assuming that 'cracks' means 'teeth' and 'foundations' means 'mouth'.

Harsh, perhaps, but that voice; that accent. Come on, you'd do the same.

Iran declares rap music 'illegal'

Iran's hilarious. Albeit only from a distance. Reactionary and needlessly dictatorial policies like this probably don't split your sides if you live in Isfahan and are partial to a spot of urban rhyming.

Even though a large proportion of contemporary rap is woeful, self-aggrandising shod, it doesn't warrant banning it. Education's the only reasonable countermeasure.

Someone should be playing 50 Cent's music back to him and seeing how he likes it. He'd change his tune then - perhaps to one with a second note in it at some point.

Uh-huh. Yeah. Mmm. Yeah.

Bell-end.

Maximo Park get their own beer

I'm not saying that they're walking to the shops themselves and handing over a crumpled ten pound note in exchange for the UK's traditional beverage, no, they're getting a Maximo Park brew made for them.

Actually, it's just Newcy Brown with a different label on it. You could pretty much do that yourself, if you so chose. You could even do it with a beer whose name isn't usually preceded by: "There's nothing decent at all. The best thing they've got is probably..."

Newcastle Brown: Everyone's favourite 'slightly better than generic lager' choice.