The Killers - Hot Fuss

You're an alternative sort of person, aren't you? You're independently-minded. You like a bit of guitar - none of this crappy pop music.

Why not switch on XFM in one of its guises and listen to The Killers because they're only on EVERY OTHER FUCKING SONG.

Then maybe you can phone in and tell everyone how you're just 'chilling out' and how you've maybe got a beer because it's nice weather and it's a Friday.

Mr Brightside, which is on Hot Fuss, is particularly annoying. The fact that Mr Brightside is astonishingly popular is a mark of just how out of step with the world I am.

It's also a mark of how stupid and wrong the rest of the world is. 50 million people can't be wrong, eh? Take a listen to Mr Brightside and think again.

The Killers - Sam's Town

The Killers are a cool band. One of the songs on Sam's Town is called 'This River Is Wild'. You get the impression that The Killers are singing about themselves as the river and that THEY are the ones who are wild.

Those crazy Killers.

The last track's called Exitlude, which isn't really a word as far as I'm concerned. They've also included a track called Enterlude, but it's track two, so that's a bit embarrassing if you're one of The Killers.

I used to be in a band. We knew about three Stone Roses songs and one by The Smiths. It wasn't really enough for a complete set, so we had to make up time with Oasis stuff. Oasis stuff's dead easy.