A further point about Newton Faulkner

A further point about Newton Faulkner. Here's a picture of him. This is Newton Faulkner.

Back in the day, in fact as recently as last month, Newton Faulkner would have been excommunicated from mainstream society and branded 'a hippy' or 'a weird dirty hippy with ginger dreadlocks'.

But now he's being heralded as 'the next big artist' just because he's got an acoustic guitar. When did being a hippy with an acoustic guitar cease being laughable and become admirable?

I'm not against hippies, per se, but I think I probably am against hippies in mainstream popular culture.

It's all wrong.

James Blunt - All The Lost Souls

It's only August. Bit early for the onset of seasonally-induced depression, isn't it? Give us all a chance.

You'd best prepare yourself. Draw the curtains. Curl up in a ball. Put James Blunt on. Train your thoughts solely on how pointless life is. Think about how nothing in the world is of any worth. Despair at how nothing quite grabs you. Wonder how you used to have 'enthusiasms'.

Who let Blunt have a guitar in the first place? If they'd given him a glockenspiel we wouldn't have all this trouble. Solo glockenspiel artists never make it onto the radio.

Balls.

Hed Kandi - Summer Sampler 2007: A Taste Of Kandi

Holy shit! Was it only yesterday that we were bemoaning Hed Kandi's summer output?

Look at this cover. Four cartoon women. FOUR! It's a new record, even if the blonde one second from the right looks like she's a bit of a dick. That still leaves three and a spare in case one of the other three likes talking about Big Brother.

I think I recognise the one on the right from 'The Mix', but that's okay because she's a good one. Hed Kandi can use the good ones as many times as they like.

Speaking of which, they should feel free to use the other dark-haired one on everything from now on. In fact, I'm tempted to start a campaign to have her put on stamps.

Look at her face. She clearly knows stuff that you don't know. And I bet she could spend a week in the same room as you without so much as acknowledging your presence, even if you were the only other person there and you were bright yellow and 300 feet tall.

Hed Kandi - The Mix, Summer 2007

It's summer! That means the Hed Kandi cartoon women are, er, doing the same as they normally do: cavorting around in bikinis, looking bored and taunting you with both of their dimensions.

Sadly, however, Hed Kandi have once again made 'the blonde error' on their cover. And look at that outfit. It's ludicrous. If the Hed Kandi women wear bikinis in winter, they should be wearing LESS in summer. They certainly shouldn't sport bastardised one-pieces.

This Hed Kandi woman makes even the last one look good. Rubbish.

And look at the ones in the background. They look they'd be great. It's infuriating amateurism from Hed Kandi, once again.

It's almost like I can't be bothered

Being as I'm criminally neglecting this site at the moment, here's a token update.

Being as I haven't reviewed anything in nearly a week, here's a link to several singles being reviewed according to how sciencey they are.

This is a good way of reviewing music.

The Cat Empire - Two Shoes

"Emperor, it is time for thy meal. Are you hungry?"

[Enthusiastic look gives way to blank look.]

"You are hungry, but not for that. How about I provide thee with something different?"

[Enthusiastic look once again gives way to a blank one. The emperor wanders off.]

"No? You are not pleased with that either? Well perhaps we should attend to the empire. There are a number of matters that..."

[Emperor walks past the assistant and lies on top of some papers, ignoring the bed which is right next to him.]

"No, emperor, no. Er, could you, er, move elsewhere? Those papers are, er..."

[Emperor fixes his assistant with a steely gaze before closing his eyes.]

The Thrills - Teenager

Hands up who likes approximating the strained, cracked vocals of The Thrills' lead singer. Be honest.

Of course you do. It's because it's easy. Or at least it appears easy until the radio switches off and you hear yourself.

I like The Thrills' shameless desire to be from California. Ordinarily, trying to be in some way American when you're not (or even if you are) is a pretty unforgivable crime, but here the alternative permits it. At least The Thrills aren't cheeky, fun-loving Irishmen who like a drink.

Besides, they don't just adopt the vocal style and melody, they actually bother to go and live there. It's kind of like method acting.

However, this album was recorded in Vancouver, which is resolutely not Californian. For one thing it rains like frigging murder there. Not sure how this'll impact on The Thrills' inconsequential chirpiness.